MIS:

New portal design? Don't make me laugh! OK - so there's a bit more space,
a few more optional extras, and this rather natty suede-velour finish
inside but, (and here's the REAL problem) there doesn't seem to be ANYWHERE
to rest my desert boots on, at the end of the road test!

I mean: when it comes to places for posing in my drainpipe Levis, this
portal's about as much use as a contraceptive in a Convent!



CALL CENTRE:

0-60% of calls answered in 7.5 seconds - how is it done? Well, under the
bonnet.. lurks a Meridian Norstar 210-port switchboard with ISDN-30,
DDI-IN and integrated fax. This baby covers more access points than one of
Vicki Butler-Henderson's panty liners!



NETWORK UPGRADES:

Now you can call me a cynic but, when it comes to border access routers,
it's a case of: seen one - seen 'em all. Even so, there'll be no more
"Apologies for inconvenience caused" when PlusNet announce their new unit
later in the year. Powerful? - this mad machine can store-and-forward more
stuff than Vanessa Feltz's digestive system! What's more...



[Editor's Note - for reasons of good taste, we are unable to print any
more of Mr. Clarkson's report.]